Marugame Udon - Stonestown Mall

This is not a blog about Japanese food. Japanese food is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, stuffed in a seaweed I've never heard of.

But the universe decided that today would be all about Japan.

In a way it makes sense. The day's already weird. Thanks, Coronavirus. Purell has surpassed gold in price per ounce. A cruise ship turned quarantine barge is pacing back and forth outside the Golden Gate. Amazon can't fulfill orders for medical face masks, and Costco's out of TP.

Somehow, the Stonestown Mall is still packed with non-corona-fearing folks. Ah, the mall. I always half-expect Michael J. Fox to pop out from the Foot Locker in his Back to the Future puffy orange jacket. Malls be rockin that suburban 1980s aura.

The Genius Bar guy fixing my iPhone is Japanese. He comments on the Haruki Murakami novel I happen to be reading. The udon bar seems like the next logical step in the day's events.

Just when I'm ready to tell San Francisco to kiss off once and for all, some little food miracle sucks me back in. As in, at the plain ol' vanilla-ass Forever 21 MALL there's this random, glorious Japanese cafeteria. Like all malls, there's Panda Express. But there's also Quickly, for all your crispy duck neck carry-out needs. I mean, doesn't that put a spring in your step? Just knowing you can get duck necks at the food court?

Hooray for all these things I don't recognize... Except Bukkake, um.... don't google that.

The Number 9 Nikutama Udon is marked "#1 Most Popular". So it's not just me that doesn't know what to order? It has mystery meat on it, which I support. And a poached egg. Yes please, always.

Pick me a good'un

...then you hit the tempura bar. Whole fishes, fried in batter, with their little tails poking out of their tempura blanket. Veggies formed into bird's nest shapes. Chicken, shrimp, imitation crab. Fried food extravaganza. Check out the oil bath, working overtime. Yes, all of these things are dying a slow second death under those heat lamps. But the novelty's appreciated. Not to mention the instant gratification.

Wish I'd known this whole Musubi section was coming at the end of the line! Dang it...

The mystery meat turns out to be beef. (thanks, Google) Not too lean. Just the right chop for chopsticks + spoon consumption. The egg is cold, which is sad, but fitting for udon from a mall.

Nothing says, "Don't talk to me" quite like a book.

You wrecked your keto just looking at this. Sorry, not sorry.